“I will show you mine if you show me yours.” “Let’s get it on!!” “He was so gentle … considerate. We had four boys … six grandchildren now.” Few of us go through life without experiencing the drive to ‘pair-up’. From early age through the twilight years the ‘urge to merge’ plays a prominent role. Attraction to another stirs the inner roiling of physical desire and psychological need for a partner. And this is unremitting … with us throughout each day of our lives. Ironic therefore that most of us are guarded about our urges and intimacies. Many adults are inhibited when sharing their needs with their partner. Parents are often reluctant to share knowledge and experiences with their children.
Societal indoctrinations vary throughout the world. The Catholic Church condemns sex outside of marriage. Masturbation and birth control are also ‘sins’. Female flesh must be covered exhorts Islam. On the other hand many European countries are comfortable striping down and exhibiting their bodies publicly.
So many ways of accommodating the sex drive … from Victorian proprieties to Sodom and Gomorra licentiousness. Very confusing. But the world keeps on repopulating itself … with abandon. Testosterone drives most males to copulate … despite the variety of mores. And females welcome the attention, affection and the opportunity to spawn. Nature has ‘instilled’ a compelling force that will not be denied. Attraction, passionate embracing, inevitable ‘planting of the seed’ … this will insure progeny and survival of the species … essential behavior for all creatures … simple and predictable for animals … a hodgepodge of dictums, ethics, emotions, inhibitions, rebelliousness, hedonism …. for homo erectus.
And you being one you have no doubt been influenced by diverse attitudes, both familial and societal. You want to love someone but your fears must be reckoned with. Maybe you have overcome them and reconciled a commitment to another with sexual activity a comfortable part of your life. Great!! But you along with most adults must deal with lifelong compulsions: Stimulation from the sensual allurement of others and your own penchant for attracting. You cannot help this. You take notice of ‘nice’ bodies … captivating personalities. You adorn yourself with hopes of ‘making’ favorable impressions. You never stop wanting ‘to be appealing’. Maybe you feel a little guilty about this. Oh well. You did not invent the ‘process’. But you certainly must deal with it every day.
The ‘coming together’ of two people has always been the favorite theme of song and literature. You can read romantic novels, watch movies … allow your fantasies to be realized vicariously. Maybe you even try voyeurism … ‘live’ or ‘in private’. No end to what provides sexual ‘gratification’. But you along with most commit to a monogamous relationship. Nature ‘demands’ safety and stability for procreating and nurturing. You ‘pair-up’ … form a bond. Though you may not rear children your sexual propensity compels you to join with another to more effectively deal with life’s challenges. What drives you so effectively … your hormones … results in a blossoming relationship. And though your physicality stirs your ‘juices’ constantly, you mature and appreciate the benefits of ‘partnership’. You realize this is your primary means for growth.
You gradually diminish your childish self-centeredness. You appreciate and respect another. And hopefully this expands to include others. Allurements and the beauty you encounter can be relished. But temper your compulsions with compassion for other human beings striving for happiness. In this way you will avoid obsessively objectifying alluring bodies. Seeking pleasure for pleasure’s sake will always be frustrating. It is brief. It will leave you wanting more. You will risk a cohesive, fulfilling union if you develop the habit of self-gratification. Grow up and love another faithfully!! Never compromise a sharing relationship. You determine whether or not your sexual urges determine you.
A FINAL NOTE: Love is not sex. Love is all
encompassing. Sex is a natural drive and act. It will certainly
raise you to heights of ecstasy when selfless loving reigns
steadily in your psyche and your heart.